your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize