I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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