Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
