I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
