508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
