Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
