I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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