HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
All the doctor said was why
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
