I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
