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Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
