Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
