So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
