so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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