I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
