Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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