im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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