So drunk its hurt
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
