Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
