cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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