so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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