I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
