I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
