shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
