I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
