So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
