theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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