I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
