Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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