I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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