BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
