It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
