Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
