Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
