my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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