Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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