Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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