I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
