I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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