i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
