No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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