Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
