I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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