I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sext me about skeletons
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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