Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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