hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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