Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
