Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
