Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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