Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
