My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize