I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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