the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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