He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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