every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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