I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
