why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
