I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
