I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
