found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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