I can tuck mytits in my pants
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize