I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize