thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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