SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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