giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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