Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
