It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
