Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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