I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
