Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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