my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
