I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
