watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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