hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
