Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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