I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
