I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
