Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
