R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
